Bachelor Premiere

4 01 2011

The Bachelor returns… in more than one way. Returns to TV, and marks the return of Brad Womack… the first Bachelor villain. How dare he NOT find love on a contrived Reality TV show? If Brett Michaels can find love on a bus…there’s just no excuse.

Before we begin, if you treated this night as a drinking game… here were the phrases that wouldve made you fall-down-drunk:

– soul searching¬†– I’ve changed – I can’t wait to see you inside – second chance – new man – therapy

Bachelor producers dont mess with the format much (but some mess with contestants…sorry!) it was a very typical Bachelor Premiere last night. We meet Brad (shirtless) where he tells us about his life in the last few years, sounds like true hell… yet somehow he managed to maintain his physique, when the rest of us would be curled up in a dark corner with a years worth of cracker-rations.

Brad tells us that after years of therapy… he has decided he is finally ‘ready’ to jump back in to the serious dating game (that and a hefty paycheque and an excuse for a job) and by serious… he means SERIOUS. Like, this is life or death, like he WILL find a wife, like the Bachelor is ‘the light at the end of the long dark tunnel’. right.

Was it necessary for Deanna and Jenny to show up just to show off their massive rocks? Honestly… the guy has already spilled his guts about being an emotional person with some serious abandonment issues… must we bring in the source of his pain in the past 3 years? really? Ok, well they did. And they both walk in with their skin tight dresses (spanks), perfectly wavy hair, and diamonds bigger than Brads pecs. And clearly the directive was to display the rock at all times… with the occasional awkward hair sweep.

Then finally, the girls show up in the limo. Here’s here things get ‘interesting’. Some girls seem to be completely shocked that they see ‘Brad’ standing there… whereas others say, ‘I was so happy to hear it was you’. So…did some girls NOT get the memo… or was it all for show? noway. Anyways, one by one they saunter out of the limo and give their best ‘lines’. Weak, sad, pathetic and embarassing… but totally entertaining.

Some resorted to physical man handling and abuse. Those girls apparently made an impression, Brad seemed to enjoy it all. The biggest impression was the sad stories from some of these girls. Gosh, they get some pretty broken people to audition…Dead fathers, dead boyfriends, pregnancies, lost loves… just so sad!

After a long night of questioning (the same questions…) Brad got rid of 10 ladies, 20 contestants remain

  • Alli- A&F buyer (right… so am I)
  • Dentist Ashley
  • Nanny Ashley (father died, she gets the first impression rose)
  • Britt the foodie
  • Chantel Obrien (a car businesswoman)
  • Nascar Emily
  • Artist jackie
  • Canadian Keltie
  • Teacher Lindsey (quit her first job for the show… intelligent)
  • Track star Lisa
  • Fangs Madison (why…?)
  • Sports Marissa
  • cheerleader Kim
  • Fashion MEghan
  • Ol Lady Melissa (yep, the oldest on the show)
  • Mamma Michelle (has a daughter…who doesn’t it seems?)
  • Waxer Rachel
  • Kneeling Sarah (she asked Brad to propose on the first meeting…)
  • Mortician Shawntel
  • Bartender Stacy

Ok… that’s the rundown

There are, as usual, girls with fake jobs (being the founder of the vampire club is NOT a job), fake ‘parts’ and fake conversations. So let’s see how easy it is to find REAL love in this group. But rest assured, Brad WILL find love… he HAS found love according to his press rounds recently. So tune in and see which beauty he puts a ring on in the end.

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