DWTS Season 14: Rock Week

10 04 2012

It was ‘fake’ rock night on DWTS last night.

Fake rockers KISS set the tone, with Fake rock decor and even Faker rock music as the backdrop.

It’s like a new genre emerged… Kitsch Rock.

Even though we are about a month into the DWTS season, this was by far the worst perforamance show thus far. There were outright mess ups, awkward mishaps, and good old fashioned sloppy dances. The judges shouldve put away their 10 and 9 paddles because the MOST anyone shouldve received was an 8. But these are celebrities, they need to be reassured every 5 seconds that they are ‘enough’ and ‘special’.

Sherry Shepherd kicked it off with a dark tango that lacked emotion. She was going for intense and brooding, but she just looked bored. I think she was surprised to hear that… it will beinteresting to see how well she takes real criticism. Straight 7’s across the board.

Katherine Jenkins fruitlessly went with mark to an MMA fighting gym to prepare for her dance. Right. Good idea. Anyone else finding the ‘field trips’ are getting really tiresome? Anyways, the only thing she pulled off with any conviction was her outfit. Girl can rock a spandex unitard better than anyone else in the competition. Straight 8’s.

Jaleel White (Urkel) tried to Move like Jagger… but he didnt know who he was. Um. Youtube it. In the same way half of America had to Google your name. Since his first dance he’s been entertaining, but mediocre at best.

Melissa Gilbert apparently was rushed tot he hospital after this dance with an injury. I didnt see anything that wouldve provoked an injury in her dancing, in my opinion, it was flat and she had some unsure moments (which Maks took the blme for…)

Donald Driver – looked too much like a GI Joe or Jacked up Ken doll to be taken seriously. Yes, we women-folk like to see some eye candy, but his upper body was borderline creepy… there were muscles poking out I didnt even know existed. His dancing, was just OK – they made a big deal about how athletes love the Paso, but maybe it’s because they finally get to show their ‘assets’.

Gladys KNight danced to bohemian Rhapsody… why?! Who made THAT musical decision?! It was a horror show, that song is one of the greatest of all time, but Freddy Mercury never intended someone to try and win a dance competition with it. The judges were right… it was the herky-jerky tryring to find the ‘beats’ that made the dance unsuccessful.

William Levy is starting to wear out his initial welcome. He has made some glaring mistakes in all of his dances, non bigger than last night. He was mistepping after mistepping all the way through. Cheryl’s really got to work on his memorization of the steps and execution.

Roshon (let me be frank, he looks like Gumby…no?) took on a more graceful dance, and his lanky long limbs should be a quality, but I find it off putting. He’s not ‘manly’ in his stature, in his personality, in his movement… not a criticism, but why must ABC/Disney continue to foist their young stars in shows that are clearly not meant for them. This show is for wash up D listers!

Maria – another in a long line of injured, but persevering dance stars. Do we believe that Maria has a broken foot? I dont know… I’m a sceptic, so I tend to believe the doctors are actors too. The judges really seemed to give her some leaniance in their scoring this week – she pretty much won the night, but I don’t think she was the best she’s ever been.

Gavin gets better week after week. This week, he did it again. He took control, he didnt look like a scared kitten, or a 13 year old at his first dance… he was leagues above where we’ve seen him before. I think that should be applauded and I think he’s exactly what we need to see on this show. A star, removing themselves from their comfort zone and learning a new talent.

Thoughts?

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