The Bachelor: Final 2 February 27th

28 02 2012

The Final 3 episode is always one of my favourites of the Bachelor season. The final contestants meet the Bachelor in a romantic location (“the best place to fall in love”), each get the most ‘one on one’ time with him that they’ve had COMBINED all season long, each have the painful decision to make whether or not to ‘forgo their individiual rooms’ for the Fantasy suite, and invariably, each girl finds a way to tell Ben ‘how they are really feeling’ … which is, IN LOVE. If you dont say that, you’ve got no chance. Also, if you dont take the card, you’ve got no chance.

So last night… the girls and Ben met in Switzerland (brought to you by the Tourism Board of The Alps.) which is kind of a nice place, and according to the girls… the best place to ‘be in love’. I’m sure there are other places that would fit that bill… but sure, Switzerland would be a great place to be in love.

Bens first date is with Nicki – who wants us all to know, she loves Ben and she’s sticking with the metaphor schtick. Ben and Nicki get on yet another helicopter (yawn) and take an aerial tour of the Alps. Because “our love is soaring to new heights, but it’s also grounded”. Seriously, she just said that. Cornball. They have a picnic on the top of a mountain and discuss how much Ben LOVED her family, and Ben is going to regret saying he thought her dad reminded him of his dad (that’s heavy, and Nicki knows it). In hindsight,  Nicki might regret referring to love as ‘the L bomb’. Just a guess.

Of course she takes the Fantasy Suite card. This is Bens first stop on the Fantasy Suite Tour…


Ben meets Lindzi for a romantic (?!) plunge down the side of a mountain in harnesses. Would Courtney have done this? In fact, has Ben made Courtney do anything other than picnic and hand hold? He has certainly put other girls in death-defying situations to ‘prove their love’. It was not a great date in my opinion, it looked uncomfortable, but maybe it built lifelong memories for the couple.

Their night together was better – the dinner conversation was easy and Ben said TWICE to the camera that he LOVED her. Interesting. Ususally the lead keeps that to themselves… it’s calculated and totally not a slip of the tongue by any means… so the producers WANT us to hear this. They spend the night in Room #2 of the Fantasy Suite Tour…


Ben meets with Courtney after an eventful Hometown Date. They traverse the small Swiss town and fnd a pastoral place to have…a  picnic! How thrilling! They play a rousing game of ‘Hey Cow’ (which s exactly what it sounds like) and Courtney opines about her ‘journey’ through this process. Ben finally brings up the fact that…. nobody seems to like her. I thought he made a great point about how he’s got a lot of female influencers in his life, and it will be important that she gets along with all of them.

Courtney apologizes and tries to explain herself both directly to Ben and in her interview – was it sincere enough for you? I actually didn’t mind it, I thought she tapped into her emotions fairly successfully. I see her as a girl conflicted by the show – she probably DOES have a hard time getting along with females, but in this environment, she was also encouraged to make drama where she shouldnt have. It doesnt make me like her, but I do feel like she’s gotten the combination of a bad edit and an awkward personality.

Is there any question that she takes the Fantsy Suite Tour to Room #3?

The dramatic return of Kacie B was nothing more than filler for 15 minutes. She arrives. She has a panic attack. She asks why Ben dumped her at the last Rose Ceremony. Ben pretty much drops the bomb that it was her family that threw him off. Kacie B gives her last words of advice against choosing Courtney. Ben lets her leave without actually saying goodbye, and after a brief lie down on the floor of his hotel….Kacie B’s Swiss vacation is over.

At the Rose Ceremony–  the 3 girls line up, and two roses are placed in front of Ben. And the Final 2 are selected…Ben picked Lindzi (horse girl) and Courtney (evil model) … eliminating Nicki.



The Bachelor: Final 6 February 13

14 02 2012

What’s worse planning? That The Bachelor missed landing onValentines Day, by one day…. or that The Biggest Loser just happens to  fall on Valentines day?

Either way. The universe is ironic and cruel. I think we can all agree on that.

So last night, the final 6 single ladies drew one step closer to spending Valentines Day with Ben. But even if they don’t, they get to spend an all inclusive vacation in a tropical paradise. Not a bad consolation.

This is a big week, it’s the week BEFORE hometown visits (easily my favourite episode of every season). So the girls are starting to ‘see their future’ with Ben… making the elimination process that much more emotional and devastating.

First One on One – another ‘take the plunge’ metaphor with Lindzi (yes, the horse girl). Not to say I don’t liek Lindzi, but I’m really getting testy with the dialogue she’s been given on this date. Love is NOTHING like jumping from a helicopter. Taking a leap of faith in a relationship is not that same as taking a dive into the ocean. It’s just simply ludicrous to continue perpetuating these metaphors… If the producers were really looking to provide context to LOVE, they should have the contestants do his dirty laundry for a month, make dinner every night, pretend to like his friends, set up a 2 hour sunday morning phone call with his mom every week, pack his lunch every morning, ask about his day each night, root for his favourite team…. I mean, LOVE is not jumping, it’s standing.

anyways, the date went well… she got a rose.

Meanwhile, Courtney continues to push everyones buttons by moping and crying about her lack of ‘date time’ with Ben. Also, she has decided to throw out the empty threat that she wont accept a rose if she doesnt get a one on one this week. Oh, and also, she loves and values her family too much to bring him home to them if he doesnt give her the one on one date.

So you can imagine her neurosis as her worst enemy, Emily, gets a date card for a one on one. Intrigue!

Ben takes Emily (who reminds me strangely of Ali from a few seasons past) on a cultural walk through Belize. Then, the fisherman tells them they’ll have to catch their own lobseters for dinner. If I’m Emily, I’m pissed. Seriously?! What is this, Survivor? Anyways, she thinks it’s spontaneous and whimsical and romantic.

Back at the house, Courtney is still moping, untilt he date card arrives and her spirits are lifted. a One on ONe with Ben. Her response? “oh snap!”. The other girls response? “It took every fiber of my being not to jump across the room and stab her in the face”. Nice.

Courtney and Ben have a picnic on the steps of an ancient ruin. How are there no tourists and gift shops at this location? Anywhere else and there would be a price of admission and a mascot. At any rate, Courtney and Ben break bread and talk about her insecurities. Ben looks genuinely concerned that he may have lost his model girlfriend and desperately looks for some water in which to skinny dip and rekindle. No such luck, he recovers by assuring her that ‘waht they ahve is real’. Theres a fresh new line.

On the group date, the left over girls hop on a catamaran for the day with Ben. each girl has their moment to plead their case with Ben and tell him how much he’ll be loved by their family. This seesm to be the week where the girls are revealing their feelings for Ben. Every girl is either falling, or has fallen in love with Ben. Amazing, What a stud.

They also stage an inervention. Sort of. Ben and the girls sip drinks by the pool, and naturally, the topic of Courtney’s intentions come up. Ben always seems completely naive to the situation. He also tries to act like he cares. Ladies, men don’t stew over and self destruct over gossip int he same way we do. They hear it, they deal with it, they move on. In his mind, he’s dealt with it. He’s over it. However, he will address it one more time for the show’s sake…

At the Rose Ceremony…

Before Ben hands out the roses, he takes Courtney aside to ask about her ‘reasons for being here’. Courtney once again proved that she is a master-ess of deception, and of manipulating Bens mind. Maybe she is perfect for him.

Roses and hometown dates go to: Kacie B, Lindzi, Nicki and…. Courtney!

So arch nemisis Emily and Rachel go home, one week away from the hometown showdown. As I said, and we all agreed, the universe is cruel. This show aired the day before Valentines day… where are these poor girls curled up weeping today?


The Bachelor: Monday February 6th

7 02 2012

If you’re a Bachelor fan, it can’t get much better than last night.

Am I right?

Last night’s episode had EVERYTHING we love about the Bachelor, shoved into a 2 hour show.

Neurosis, girl-fighting, ugly crying, sabatage, awkwardness, a twist and a tearful goodbye.
Some of you might arge to make it a ‘perfect’ Bachelor show, Courtney would’ve been in the limo… but you can’t have it all, all the time. Courtney is still here, and as long as she flaunts that bikini for Ben and makes him feel like a Rockstar with a model girlfiend… she’s sticking around.

Let’s get to the meat of the episode…

Ben gets all exotic and caveman this week – both the one on one and the group date were ‘adventure’ dates. The first, with Kacie B was Survivor-esque, dropping the couple off with nothing but gummie bears, Ben’s manly skills and a team of producers/cameramen. Somehow, they got through it alive!

On the Group Date, Ben paddled the girls to a secluded island in the raingforest, where they also happened upon a jungle-village – good thing they werent canabals, or things couldve gotten really interesting. No, instead, the remote tribe decided to throw a dance party with costumes! The girls got out of their wet clothing, and into something ‘more comfortable’ like beaded brasiers and body paint. Every season they do a group date like this, that is supposed to show ‘another side’ of the contestants. You’ll remember, that’s the date AShley started noticing Ben – when they went on a local charity mission. However, Ben was so focused on ogling Courtneys accidental ‘wardrobe malfunction’, that he missed the point. Producer wanted him to say things like “I’ve never seen that side of ‘so and so'” “She’s so kind and compassionate” “Wow, ‘so and so’ is great with kids, she’d be a wonderful mother!” “It’s obvious that charity and giving back is very important to ‘so and so’, which is great becuase I am also a philanthropist  in  my spare time”. Those words couldve been uttered if he spent any time with the other girls, or looked up at all from the beaded bra of Courtney.

Oy, men.

Then there was the dreaded… 2 on 1 date.  A battle between Blakely and Rachel. It’s a DARN good thing Blakely wasnt on the group date… her ‘upper extremities’ wouldve had a hard time staying put in those bead-bras. In any case, the two head out with Ben to vie for his attention – one stays, one goes. They go Dirty Dancing where Blakely… obvoiusly, steals the show. Where you learn THOSE moves honey? let’s jusy say Blakely is very comfortable in that atmosphere. Later that night, Rachel spends her time wisely with Ben, telling him that true love isnt about grinding and boob flashing… no, what they have is real because it has roots. Blah blah…
I dont know if that speech saved her, but you know what didnt hurt? Blakely turning into a psycho wihtout warning. We expect her to make out with Ben in hot tubs, we expect her to grind on him in the club… but did we expect the scrapbook thing? Blakely brings out a scrapbook that she has presumably made detailing fake life events for her and Ben. Of all the slimey things this girls has done this season, this has to be the ickiest. Who knows how Ben wouldve chosen pre-scrapbook, but post-scrapbook stunt…? Blakely gets the heave ho. Nip that one in the bud early, good choice Ben.

In yet another season bomb-dropping – Casey requests a mediated conversation with Ben in his private quarters. Mediator? Dr. Chris Harrison of course. She tells Ben that she still has feelings for a guy back home, she tells a very weak tale about how she can’t fight it any longer and how it’s unfair to stay…. to which Ben says, uh yah! Dont let the door hit you on the way out.

So now, Ben has been ‘left’ mid season more than any other Bachelor. Interesting factoid. Also, can we stop calling Kacie B “Kacie B” now that the ‘other Casey’ is gone? I’m really sick of the elementary school moniker.

To the Rose Ceremony… Where a nutjob emerges from the group. Timid, unassuming Jaime has been stressing all episode about how to show Ben that she really likes him. She has a dream that she does the hoochy-mama lap wrap and has a hot makeout session with Ben. In reality, she giggles through the process, awkwardly stumbles onto Bens lap, and kisses him like a 15 year old at a school dance. It’s the most entertaining, most painful 5 minutes on theis season of the Bachelor… and it is by far my reward for watching hours of uninteresting ‘formula’ on this show. THIS ladies and gents, is why I watch the Bachelor. For whackjobs like this, who are lovely, normal people on their own turf, who are compelled to ‘come out of their shell’ on TV. I love it.

Ben, was probably not turned on. just a guess.

The best part of this incredibly awkward ‘moment’ he was having with Jaime, was the distraction of Courtney splashing around int he pool behind him in her bikini. She is a genius.

I’ll give you 3 guesses as to who went home without Ben tonight? If you guessed the girl who couldnt kiss Ben without laughing and babbling on and on…. you’re a winner. Jaime gets sent home, even after she delivered the moment of the night. Sigh… life is so cruel. Oh to be a fly on the wall when she sees the editing job on this one!


The Bachelor: Week 3 January 16

17 01 2012

Welcome to the next stop on the Bachelor Tourism Commercial… it’s week 3 and we’re in the Beautiful Bay area, in everyone’s favourite city with a bridge… San Francisco!

Look! There’s a trolley! Look there’s Chinatown! Look theres a big bridge!

(brought to you by, the city of San Francisco and )

So, the girls were taken from Sonoma Valley to San Francisco – Ben’s REAL home town. Not to be confused with his hometown in Sonoma (?!?!)

The first one on one date was climbing ‘the bridge’. Every season, the bachelor(ette)s ‘plan’ a date that will test ‘trust’ and ‘endurance’. A huge metaphor for love. In every instance, the bachelor(ette) picks the contestant with the “intense fear of heights” (unwittingly) and proves that “together, we can survive the ups and downs of a scary journey called love”.

it’s formulaic…it’s cheeseball… it’s sewn into the script of this show pretty much every week 3. Deal.

The girl/guy (contestant) always gets the rose.

I can tell you right now, if I was forced to face my greatest fear on a date…(which would be going to a spider petting zoo FYI) I wouldnt see that as a bonding experience. I would be huddled rocking back and forth in fetal position yelling scathing incoherent obscenities at the guy who CHOSE this scenario. A peck on the cheek and a pat on the behind wouldnt ‘make it all better’.

I digress…

Whether she faked her fear of heights, or was easily comforted – girl got the rose.

The group date was probably the most ridiculous date I’ve ever seen on this show. Seriously. Ben takes the girls to a fake snow hill in the middle of San Fran. They strip down to their skivvies, put on skiis and try to impress Ben with their ‘skills’. This is the kind of event I see Hugh Hefner throwing in his backyard…or grand staircase. The worst part about this date was the lead up… they all get into the newest Honda model and check out the features! OH look, it has a wallpaper feature! The only thing missing was the MSRP. It was almost as shameless as the American Idol Ford commercials.
Not only that, Ben proceeds to tell us how everytime he walks these streets he thinks to himself “I wonder if  could ski on these hills?”. Right.

In the meantime, Brittany (one of the blondes…) decides that this isnt the show for her, so she packs her bags and leaves. Leaving a gaping hole to fill… more on that later.

So Ben’s second one on one is with Lindzi (the one with the horse). They take a private trolley ride around the city, where Ben shows her ‘the sights’ of a place she could potentially be moving to in the future. Dont you hate the new line they have made maditory for all contestants to say? “I can definitely see myself living here”. It’s almost as bad as ” (blank) is the perfect place to fall in love”. ALmost.

They have dinner, they stop into a piano store to make music… She gets a rose.

Here comes the much discussed ‘twist’. So… here’s how it is explained to us: the funeral directorShawntel  from Brad’s season, saw Ben on the show and fell in love. There is also mention of conversations they have had in the past… now she’s coming to crash the party to see if those feelings were real, and stop him from going any further on his quest for love. 

I dont think this makes her any less deserving of his time than any other girl in the house. They all made a HUGE stink about how he has built new relationships here and that she doesnt even know him. Tell me, how many cumulative words has any of the girls said to him one on one this season? Shawntel seems to allude to a prior history. So, that’s not really the issue.

The issue is, another girl walks in… looking smokin’ hot, and Ben gets flustered when he sees her. I think what followed was an embarassing demonstration of how cruel the female species can be. Shawntel takes a lot of heat, withstands verbal abuse and unfair defamation of her character. If this was planned and orchestrated by the producers (and who are we kidding…) I say shame on them for making this girl look like a jazabel and referred to as ‘Brad’s trash’. Shame.

So now the question is, will Ben keep her around?

At the Rose Ceremony: All the usual suspects make it through. Dramatic pause as Ben holds the final rose, and 3 girls (including Shawntel) remain. One girl faints from the emotional overload. Doesnt matter, she still didnt get a rose. Neither of them did… Erica, Jaclyn and Shawntel go home.

Bachelor Recap: ‘Its all an Act’ Week 2

10 01 2012

Week 2 on The Bachelor is notoriously messed up.

The crazies come out on week 2 and set up the whole season of drama.

Which is why, I was glued to my TV last night, to watch trainwreck after trainwreck start on their collision course.

I think I’ve said this before – Ben is not the Prize on this show. Nor is he really a necessary component. He may or may not find ‘love’, but he is certainly not the “Star” or the real storyline. He is the common thread, and at times, the referee… but not much else. Not to say I dont like Ben, he’s a charming guy with redeeming qualities and fun hair. He also happens to have a really cute sidekick/dog…which makes me like him even more. It’s just that is has become all about the girls and the drama between THEM that is keeping The Bachelor ‘must see’.

Here’s a nutshell recap of last night

The girls are uprooted and sent packing to visit Ben in Sonoma California… incidentally where he lives and where his Winery operates. In upcoming seasons, will we see the girls following the Bachelor to HIS day job… you know, where he’s most comfortable and in his element? Seriously… blatant advertising.

Ben gets his first one-on-one date. He takes Kacie B (doncha hate the initials thing? I do…) on a walking tour of his town, Sonoma tourism 101. “Wouldnt you like to live here?” “I can totally see myself here”. Riveting stuff. Then they share a ‘moment’ watching old family videos at the theatre… awkward date, watching Ben cry over his dead father. ouch.
Anyways, she gets the rose… she’s a nice take-home-to-mom type girl.

Group Date – Ben takes a ton of girls tot he ‘Town Square’ where they audition for parts in a childrens production of a Bachelor Fairytale. These girls should all be good at ‘acting’ – most are models, aspiring actresses or have fake jobs… remember, this show is ‘casted’.
The bigger drama occurred at the after party… obviously, drinks were flowing, bikinis were on, Hot tubs were present. Is it just me or did The Bachelor resurrect the swimming pool girl-on-shoulder wrestling game? Just hit me…

The girls all accuse Blakely of being a slut (among other things), and she fills that role very well. It might be an assigned role, but she seems to really excel at making people uncomfortable, inciting tears and paranoia, and batting her fake eyelashes at Ben shamelessly.

She gets the rose. Such a metaphor for life…am I right ladies?

The final one-on-one was with model Courtney. I think we all ahve a reason to hate on this girl… she’s a model. Liek a real, working model. The producers don’t have to do much to make her unlikable. However, I’m getting a real mix of emotions over this girl – her date with Ben was the best…by far. They took the dog, got in the car and had a picnic in the woods. Very comfortable, very easy… she didnt pose as a person who was comfortable, she just…was. There’s chemistry, but I dont think it hurts that she… is a model.

She gets a rose (surprise, surprise)

At the Rose ceremony… the Crazies implode.

Blakely runs crying in a corner behind luggage. NY Blogger crawls into bed and weeps. There are girls crying everywhere. Ben acts like a babysitter playing hide and seek with 7 yer olds… going room by room to console sobbing contestants. It was hysterical!

Easier just to report on who DIDNT get a rose, and it was the over emotional blogger from NY (girl had a rough night…) and another blonde.

If you stay long enough… you get a ‘role’ to fill. One can only applaude the girls who hit the high notes and add major drama to our monday nights!

Bachelor Monday: January 24th

24 01 2011

The only thing good about a Monday, is The Bachelor… are you with me?

Today, I woke up far too early, to weather that was far too cold to a day that was far too long.

So yes, The Bachelor was the best part of this particular January 24th.

Let’s get to it then!
What are the Bachelor Drinking Game words of the week? Scary, and Real

The first one-one date was with an early front runner, Chantel O. I can’t say why, but Brad and Chantel have a bit of a ‘real’ thing happening. He seems to really hint that he really likes this girl, I dont know why, and I dont see her charm. BUT, we all know my theory… He likes the brunettes. So- their date went very well, they spent the night cuddling and talking about how ‘real’ their relationship is. (Shot.) She gets a rose.

Oh, and before we go on… Crazy Michelle woke up with a black eye. No explanation BUT it came in handy as a reason get some much needed attention from Brad.


The group date – the ladies all visit a radio show where Dr Drew makes even more $$ off  emotionally unstable semi-celebs with no discernible future past this 15 minutes. The girls ‘opened’ up about their relationship issues and their concern over Brad’s relationship issues. Blah, blah… it doesnt matter WHAT the group date is, it always ends up in the hot tub. That’s where the true drama bubbles to the surface. And the ‘tag-I’m it!’ dating comes into play. It seems like these girls literally say two words this ‘future husband’ once every 4 days… what an insane show this is! A shy blonde girl gets a rose.

Crazy Michelle got the final one-one date. She revealed (faked) a fear of heights as they repelled down a building and into a pool. She gets a rose.

At the Rose ceremony, Chantel gets very emotional over Brads gesture to Emily. She breaks down and tells him that she didnt know she would feel this way. Really? You didnt think that seeing your ‘future husband’ have a relationship with 20 other girls wouldnt affect you? They didnt prep you at your casting call?

Relax. you have a rose.

So 3 other ‘who the heck are they?’ girls went home, and Crazy Michelle remains.

She is totally necessary to the plot line, if we lost her…there would be no show. You don’t think the producers know that?

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