Bachelorette Monday…

Didjya miss me?

Anyone…?… Bueller?

well, I’m back – and even though I was miles away, I was still able to find the a)channel in a very confusing tv guide  and b) the time after very long days of vacation gallavanting, to watch the “special” Bachelorette with added (cherry on top) Break-up exclusive conversation.

There is TOO much to say, and I’m sure it’s already been said. Is there really a person to ‘side’ with? We ALL hated Vienna on the show, we all HATED the decision, we all WANT to say I told you so…but all of a sudden, Jake is not that likable. Anyone else see the comparison between this interview and the Tom Cruise/Matt Lauer interview a few years back? The intensity in Jakes’s eyes was almost… Scientologist. Sorry. I’m sure there are normal Scientologists that dont overreact, make up words and shoot lasers in rage from their eyes.

Anyways…it’s over and done with…the magazine covers are now a week old and outdated. Let’s hope neither of them extend this exposure-whoring any longer…I just dont think I can care much less. It was probably the most awkward 45 minutes of TV I’ve ever sat through (and let’s face it, I’ve seen alot of Paula Abdul over the years…) and therefore, it made for some great post-mountain climbing entertainment.. Sad. I know.

So Tonight…Ali gets a FULL 2-hours to herself. She got seriously gypped last week…no one was watching for her, obviously. Sources tell me she wastes alot of people’s time in the end…but I’m not going to divulge anything more than that.

Ali goes on hometown dates tonight, undenyably my favourite episodes of every season- I love watching families embarass their fame-mongering sons/daughters in front of a super hot suitor!

and there’s a serious bombshell coming…perhaps not this week, but it’s coming. You’ll know what I mean when it happens.

Tune in for pure, uninterupted Bachelorette tonight 8pm, City/ABC.

Bachelor news

You’ve heard it by now…

Jake and Vienna are no more.

Shocker.

Why is the Bachelor working within totally different parametres than the rest of the world? The working average/ratio of success is extremely low (1 or 2 of like 19) – in every way that you look at this…it’s NOT a success. It’s NOT a show where people “find love”…it’s NOT the last resort and the sure-fire way to get a ring in 3 months. Yet, the show still operates under this guise. The assumption that grouping random strangers with fake tans and a gym obsession in one mansion in LA will ultimately produce…love.

Ridiculous…and this is just another example. Jake and Vienna were characters in their own reality show…that’s it. It extended into a short stint on Dancing with the Stars and a few magazine covers for the the bewitching Vienna.

Any other show, would see this as a means to an end..obviously, something isnt working. If Extreme Home Makeover continually had people lose their over-the-top home to creditors, or continually had people live int he home and hate it after a few months….the show would change. right? On Survivor, if contestants got part-way through and started dropping like flies, or quitting…they would adjust? Just saying…why is this show any different?

Here’s the key… get your man and LEAVE. get out of the spotlight, never to be seen or heard from again…except on manditory bachelor reunions/specials.

Or…try NOT going the dramatic route, and pick the GOOD GIRL! Tenley…think SHE wouldve left you? Highly doubt it, you’d be married with children by now. But…probably not famous. That’s the toss up isnt it?

Now, how long before  Jake tries to join the Bachelor Pad cast?

Monday TV Night

Who am I kidding…it’s DWTS Monday– it OWNS the night!

Since no one got the ‘heave ho” last week, ALL the ‘stars’ are back to dance for our viewing pleasure tonight. Yup, you get to see Buzz Aldrin shake it, Kate G fake a personality and Pam An try to keep it all in.

Tonight, dancers take on either the Jive or the Foxtrot (so, either an exciting  dance or an I-have-time-to-take-a-bathroom-break dance.)

Any guesses as to which REAL stars will be in attendance? I’m betting on Ali showing her mug at some point to promote the new Bachelorette (show she harbours no hard feelings towards Jake), Vienna is now a crowd-staple, Lisa Rinna (and her lips) will most definitly warm a chair, d’ya think Jon Gosselin will ever get a ticket? Throw in a few Jacksons and other ABC faces…

Tune in tonight, 8pm ABC

Whatever you decide to watch, have a great TV NIght.

I feel used…

I have my own theories about this season’s Bachelor…if you care, here they are:

Last season, The Bachelor really came into it’s own as THE dramatic drug and watercooler/talk-show fodder. Although it’s not a new show, it has Up and Down seasons…last year was arguably THE MOST DRAMATIC after-the rose cermony, or even most dramatic hour of TV in the past decade. Jason choosing one girl and dumping her LIVE on TV for another girl…you can’t write stuff like that…or can you?

This season, I feel like this story was written from the start. There were many signs… Vienna was the girl in the spotlight the entire time. She was the one they WANTED us to hate. The villain. Tenley was the girl everyone expected…she was jake in female form.

But Jake defended Vienna with his every breath. From the get-go they had a ‘special’ relationship. Contoversial…but great for TV.

We were set up!

Fine. I fell for it…joke’s on me. I’m sure they pegged Vienna from the start, as a girl to promote as the one to root AGAINST…but they couldnt have found a more sentimaental choice than Tenley. Seeing that girl absolutly crest-fallen yet classy upon rejection…it’s almost shameful. But who knows…maybe she’s the real fakey and Vienna is the real heroine. I dunno anymore…

In closing, my theory is that reality TV plays with everyone’s head, and it’s far from ‘real’ TV. So the fact that they chose such a ‘safe’ Bachelor in Jake, meant that they had to create alot of drama to compensate. And Rozelyn couldnt bare that responsibility all by herself.

Congrats Jake…you really are her biggest fan…err…only fan.

Back to Reality…

literally…back to Reality TV. It’s monday night, which means ABC takes over from NBC’s temporary ratings supremacy, with their dramatic-juggernaut…The Bachelor.

It’s not just any bachelor monday folks… it’s the FINALE, and the After the Final Rose (a post-show wrap up that was put on the MAP last year with the Jason/Molly phenomenon)

How could it get much more emotionally tumultuous this season? With a finale to rival all other finales (at least that’s what they are promising). Listen, we’ve all heard the rumours, and considering Jake has already been doing some damage control about his ‘decisions…” I think it’s safe to say alot of us will be unhappy with the outcome tonight. To be even more ‘elephant in the room’ about it…Vienna (the female Wes)  might just win this thing.

Obviously, this would be very upsetting…and I think it will chip away at Jake’s credibility as a discerning, stand-up guy looking for true love. So look for him to do alot of  explaining on the “after show”…if not dump Vienna altogether. I hear Rozlyn’s available.

The other reason to watch tonight, ABC will also be releasing the names for the newest cast of Dancing with the sorta-Stars! (Wow, Abc is really coming on strong after the Olympics… sucker punch to the groin for NBC. ) I am already hearing a few rumours about this one… first, we know Pamela Anderson will be one of the contestants ‘gracing’ the stage (first time you’ve heard the word grace associated with Pam -And right? sorry…) The other thing I’m hearing, is that last year’s most photog-ed mama has also signed on…No, not the Octo-mom…the other one: Kate (my husband is a fame-monger but I’m not) Goselin. You shouldve been next to me when I read this…I’ve never made such a disgusted sound in my life, not an attractive response. But really, this is jsut such an eye-roller for me. Other rumours include: Tom Selleck, K-Fed and another football ‘star’.

I guess the next question is…who will take over the co-host spot left tragically by whats-her-face. I’m hearing Brooke Burke (boring), Scary Spice (far more entertaining!) or…Ellen (not a chance).

So be watching ABC tonight, that’s really where the party is. Start watching at 8pm tonight, I will have all the post-show reaction and  complete DWTS cast list after the Final (somehow I doubt it) Rose.

Whatever you decide to watch, have a great TV Night.

Women Tell All, for 2 hours!

It makes you take a long look at the direction of your life…after watching this for 2 hours…voluntarily, as entertainment…it’s not looking good for me.

Here are my thoughts about the night:

• Half of me thinks Chris might just be in love with Rozlyn (the third wheel in the staffer relationship), considering the way he LAUDS the superlatives on her “the most controversial figure of 2010”, “the most dramatic moment on TV”… bit of an overstatement there Chris.
• Was it necessary to bring back former contestants (rejects)? They were there to look pretty and for people to remenisce about the people they hate more than Vienna?
• And the most illogical TV sequence of 2010 (I can play that game too Chris!) showing them teaching impoverished children to paint and helping raise awareness for the needy in Africa…just…such a headscratcher.
• Ok, the Rozlyn fiasco finally! So my question is why did the girls wait to tell their stories about her until NOW?! If everyone had a ‘run in’ with her cuddling, making out and lying on the stairs being ‘inappropriate’…TELL SOMEONE! I’m so over this scandal…
• Ali gets the spotlight. On her (and ABCs) campaign trail for her new role as Bachelorette (which has probably already started filming…jsut saying) she sports new longer locks, and a new attitude towards Vienna (taking the high-road, or just knows that Vienna is the winner…?) See you next season girl…
• Darn it. Back to Rozlyn. Her ‘one on one’ with grill-master Chris reveals that the only really inappropriate action she took with the producer was ‘borrowing his phone’…direct quote. I kid you not. I said I was done with this scandal right?
• Some more unseen footage…typical. Tenley is just as sweet in unseen footage as on the aired show. Vienna is just as immature. Gia is just as insecure. and Whackjob is…same.

Apparantly next week is unmissable…and unfortunately, I know where I’m gonna be next monday. Watching Jake pick the wrong girl and me RUE watching the show for months for an outcome so unsatisfactory. Sigh…

Let’s Take a Bachelor Break

Probably the only thing that would lure me away from the Olympics is a good Monday Night Bachelor. It’s like a shot of drama for the week…but not like Canada vs USA hockey drama, the kind of drama only the Bachelor can produce (and it IS a product, lets be honest!)

Tonight is the annual (classic…) Women Tell All episode, and if you are new to the show…this is the Eye of the Storm in the Bachelor season. Before Jake chooses his ‘wife’ next week…the whole gang returns for a night of Q & A fun!

But it’s the Bachelor, let’s not pull any punches, we KNOW what we’re in for…expecially since this season has been the most “dramatic bachelor ever”… so here’s what to expect:

• The return of some old favourites. Like my personal favourite delusional with a pretty face: The Whackjob. You know who I’m talking about, the one who wanted Jake’s babies for her grandmothers sake, but said he sucked at kissing so she left voluntarily.
• Also, the return of the most overused phrase of the year (minus pants on the  ground…) The “inappropriate relationship with a staffer” scandal will rear it’s ugly head again. Rozlyn is back and FINALLY the truth will be revealed…right?
• Ali will also be back… to set the record straight (campaign for a spot on the Bachelorette…or Dancing with the Stars) and confront Jake (make him cry and regret his decision).
• Lots of tears…there will be a an absolute deluge of tears tonight. Guaranteed.
• Vienna Bashing. They ALLL hated her, now is their chance to speak their mind on their favourite topic!
• “Unseen Footage” …more shots of girls in bikinis and Vienna saying stupid things.
• Past season contestants (rejects) will return to talk about how the Bachelor has changed their lives (gave them a full 15 minutes of fame, and apparantly made them incapable of moving ON!)

Tune in for all the inside info, tears and the return of some seriously memorable ‘characters’. Tonight, 8pm ABC

*small* Bachelor recap

I don’t have much to say about all this.

By now you’ve heard that Ali wanted to come back, but Jake said no. Another heart breaks… only until she gets her own show .it’s inevitable and completley predictable at this point.
…and I’m sure that will be a ‘candid’ question at the Women Tell All next week.

it’ll go like this:

Chris: Question from the audience?
Audience member :this question is for Ali. Would you consider becoming the Bachelorette next season? (the audience member then receives her $50 from ABC)
Ali: ummmm (insert surprise and consusion over the question) i dont know what to say. If the opportunity was there, I would haev to seriously think about it. (meaning, she already has the job)

Also last night, Jake got it on with 3 lovely ladies. I’m tired of watching ‘foreplay’ on TV! shudder…at least there was no erupting volcano innuendos.

In the end…horror of horrors, Vienna lives to see another day. And because I’m such a skeptic, I feel like this is ABC screwing with us. Pitting “Good”  Tenley against the evil Vienna for the final rose. Even with jake asking vienna what kind of ring she wants…made me ill.

At any rate, the Women Tell (nothing we havent heard) All is next week, and in two weeks, all will be revealed.

Bachelor Side Note…

Not that I want to think about ANYTHING else besides the Olympics tonight…but The Bachelor does not rest, therefore neither do I.

There are some rumours floating around that will most likely effect the outcome of the last few episodes. Wanna hear them? here ya go:

Gia’s Scandal-
what? Yes, I am hearing that in a repeat scandal from last year, Gia had a boyfriend while on the show. This ‘boyfriend’ has come out saying that she dumped him while filming, but have since rekindled… I guess that means she’s not engaged/married to Jake? Wow…if this is true, that’s quite a shocker, and probably wont be discussed on air. Or will it? THey love the drama on this show…but if there’s one thing Jake HATES (or makes him cry…) it’s a two-timer cheat with a significant other (see last years dramatic return…).

Ali’s Return-
I thinkw e all saw THIS coming. As soon as Ali made the decision to leave last week, it was pretty obvious that we would see her again. I’ve seen previews that show her crying in her bed, crying on her porch, crying on the boardwalk she had her date with Jake on (interesting that the cameras were there to pick up all this ‘genuine, candid’ sadness). ANd of course, just as Jake is getting ready to go on a date…she gives him a call. sigh…

More Vienna news-
There has been TONS of speculation and sources saying that Vienna is the ultimate winner of the ‘rock’ and Jake’s heart. I hear so many rumours about this girl…sounds like a class act. She has apparantly “dated” a few high profile sports stars (and Backstreet Boy Howie), oh…and her mom is a topless dancer. So, if Jake chooses her…I’ve got nothing more to say. But maybe he’ll be the first Bachelor to return as the Bachelor next season to ‘try again’.

tune in tonight, 8pm ABC

Bachelor Recap

Hometown Date 1: NY Gia

Wow this girl is insecure. I actually like that she has a more critical eye of the process and of Jake. Her family is little…off-beat, and I didnt see a huge connection between her parents and Jake. But her brother did threaten to cut his legs off…awww. cute.

Hometown date 2: Ali

hold the presses! I thought her hometown was San Fran? oh…ok, she explains this is her REAL hometown(I guess they couldnt do San Fran again…was this a fake hometown?). Her idea of a romantic ‘stroll down memory lane’ soon turns really morbid as they visist the home of her recently dead grandmother. yikes.

Hometown date 3: Tenley

As expected, a down-to-earth midwestern family in the suburbs. Tenley shows her dancing skills (is this the talent portion of the competition?) and they meet her very cautious family. Of all the dates, Jake seems most open and comfortable with this family (I still think Jake and Tenley are somehow related…they are like the same person). Tenley could probably stop bringing up her deadbeat ex-husband.

Hometown date 4: Vienna

We knew this was going to be crazy. And yes, the relationship she has with her father is weird (at best). the strangest part is how emotional they all get over her…the mother actually said “oh, I hear vienna…sorry, I’m gonna cry” She’s not a 6 year old coming home from over-night camp…! Of course, Jake has to try and impress her father, they bond over his harley…but then he messes up by getting caught ‘in the act’ in Vienna’s childhood room. ouch.

then the bombshell of the night (previewed and speculated ad nauseum)

I used to really like Ali . Then last week, I noticed her obsession with the terms : “I’m so excited”,  “like” and “uhmmmm” and her inability to speak with her mouth open. I also noticed her immaturity creeping up on her (acting like a high-schooler jealous of Vienna, but never acting on her threats to approach her and Jake…)

Tonight, I’m thinking…she’s either really dumb…or really…smart (?!) She staged a coup with her decision ( 45 minute indecision) to leave Jake for a ‘job she loves’… but here is my assessment of this decision:

Reasons why Ali chose to ‘leave’:

• more camera time (taking up a good hour of our time this episode)
• more Jake time (an hour OUR time is like….20 hours of Jake time)
• A quicker answer (by approaching him one on one- she could have gotten a sign or confession of his love…a sly trick)
• A new, ‘new’ job (is she the next Bachelorette?)
• If she decided to stay after this debacle…she would be showing her devotion (over the other girls)
• Let’s face it…she’s not really gone. She now gets to play the role of the potential wild card, or the loyal friend giving advice in the end.
• she drew the short straw…someone had to create drama this week! (I mean…besides Vienna’s dad)

I gotta say…by the next monday, she’s gonna hate her job (like every other ‘advertising account manager’ in history) and watch 3 girls in bikinis walk the beaches of the carribbean with her man. That’s gonna be one heck of a depressing monday.

So no rose ceremony…Jake is whisking Vienna, Tenley and Gia away to the islands next week— and we have NOT seen/heard the last of Ali…guaranteed.