The Bachelor: Hometown Dates February 20

I’m almost glad I didnt remember until last night that it was Hometown Date night on The Bachelor.

I wouldve been too excited and over analytical the days leading up to monday night, much better to be pleasantly surprised in my case.

Let’s get right into it shall we… 4 girls, 4 hometowns.

Lindzi – Somewhere Horsey and Southern 

No surprise,  remember, this is the girl who rode in on a horse. Ben says some drivel like ‘ I knew she liked horses, but I didnt know it was such a  big part of her’. Really? You mean you didnt expect that her dad would challenge you to a carriage race? Or that he would admit to you that they kept Lindzi away from boys so she could focus on her horses? Ben seemed very comfortable with the family dynamic, and there’s not alot to not like about Lindzi. She is pretty down to earth, and so are her parents. But is this the kind of life Ben sees himself living? You can take the girl out of her hometown, but you can’t take the hometown out of the girl. Y’know?

Oh, and if you wanted a Bachelor drinking game for the evening… the word is ‘falling’ or ‘love’.

Becuase each girl is now ready to say… I am falling in Love with Ben OR I have fallen in Love wth Ben OR I can see myself falling in love with Ben. See the differences? Well, wither way… you’re going to get a little tipsy if you’re playing along.

NEXT!

Kacie B – in another Southern place

Remember on their first date when Kacie B stole a baton from the store to show Ben her skills? Well, he’s on HER turf now, and she put together a little show for him – complete with highschool marching band. Remember when Tenley DANCED for Jake? That was an awkward moment for everyone. I am getting that same feeling from this ‘entrance’… imagine for a moment what Ben is thinking. “Holy crap. This is a grown woman, performing a baton twirling routine from her grade 9 glory days. Yikes.” The rest of the date… unbelievably, went downhill from there. Ben meets her daddy, and daddy does not give his blessing for a proposal at the end of this. Then mommy tells Ben that she would not approve of them living together. 2 strikes… plus the baton twirling?

NEXT…

Nicki, in yet another Southern Horse place.

This horse place is scarier than the first horseplace. Because this horseplace is like the MGM backlot they forgot to tear down after John Waynes last picture wrapped. Ben and Nicki go to the tack shop for a boot fittin’ and cowboy outfittin’. Ben gets a really really nerdy hat and uncomfortable looking boots. Under the hat, his hair looks like a bowl cut a la all the little boys in my calss circa 1995. Not a hot look. But Ben says he’s living out a fantasy…. but playing cowboy dress up is different than living it. The guy who did your fitting… you know, the one with the grey mullet and mutten chops? That guy lives it. Nicki seems to have a nice family, Ben seems to enjoy himself and the father bestows a tearful blessing on the couple.

NEXT…

Courtney in…. not California.

I expected a Californian family, with Real Housewifes taste. You know, like Chantel O’s family a few seasons past… statues, pools, vaulted ceilings and catering. Instead, we went to her familys home in Arizona where we met her sister and her parents. I always study the interaction between the contestants and their families… particularly their ciblings, because it’s hard to fake that relationship. Courtney was very sweet, very natural and very respectful of the household. The vibe was actually very inviting and friendly. Courtney had a talk with her sister that seemed like a candid conversation between sisters (unlike the one between Kacie B and her sis…where Kacie B did ALL the talking and the sister nodded, twice.) erhaps Courtney is misunderstood, mis-edited, mis-represented on this show… beacuse in her element, she certainly disnt ONCE seem like a manipulative hater.

However, if I were any of the other girls – I would be extremely upset about 2 things.

1. The skinny dipping thing.
2. The fake wedding thing.

Courtney has been naked with Ben, and has now basically gone through the motions of marrying Ben. Does anyone else actually stand a chance?

I think at this point, the girls are jockeying for the position as next Bachelorette… the Miss Congeniality prize, rather than the real prize (Ben… I have to keep reminding myself of that.)

So at the rose ceremony, it’s no surprise that Kacie B is sent home. Ben steered clear away from that family disaster. He knew, that if things got any more serious he’s have to have THAT arguement with Kacie’s parents. The one that goes against all their moral values and Kacie’s entire upbringing.

I’ll bet he wasnt looking forward to that.

So the final 3 remain: Courtney, Lindzi and Nicki.

Thoughts?

The Bachelor: Week 3 January 16

Welcome to the next stop on the Bachelor Tourism Commercial… it’s week 3 and we’re in the Beautiful Bay area, in everyone’s favourite city with a bridge… San Francisco!

Look! There’s a trolley! Look there’s Chinatown! Look theres a big bridge!

(brought to you by, the city of San Francisco and travelsanfranciso.com )

So, the girls were taken from Sonoma Valley to San Francisco – Ben’s REAL home town. Not to be confused with his hometown in Sonoma (?!?!)

The first one on one date was climbing ‘the bridge’. Every season, the bachelor(ette)s ‘plan’ a date that will test ‘trust’ and ‘endurance’. A huge metaphor for love. In every instance, the bachelor(ette) picks the contestant with the “intense fear of heights” (unwittingly) and proves that “together, we can survive the ups and downs of a scary journey called love”.

it’s formulaic…it’s cheeseball… it’s sewn into the script of this show pretty much every week 3. Deal.

The girl/guy (contestant) always gets the rose.

I can tell you right now, if I was forced to face my greatest fear on a date…(which would be going to a spider petting zoo FYI) I wouldnt see that as a bonding experience. I would be huddled rocking back and forth in fetal position yelling scathing incoherent obscenities at the guy who CHOSE this scenario. A peck on the cheek and a pat on the behind wouldnt ‘make it all better’.

I digress…

Whether she faked her fear of heights, or was easily comforted – girl got the rose.

The group date was probably the most ridiculous date I’ve ever seen on this show. Seriously. Ben takes the girls to a fake snow hill in the middle of San Fran. They strip down to their skivvies, put on skiis and try to impress Ben with their ‘skills’. This is the kind of event I see Hugh Hefner throwing in his backyard…or grand staircase. The worst part about this date was the lead up… they all get into the newest Honda model and check out the features! OH look, it has a wallpaper feature! The only thing missing was the MSRP. It was almost as shameless as the American Idol Ford commercials.
Not only that, Ben proceeds to tell us how everytime he walks these streets he thinks to himself “I wonder if  could ski on these hills?”. Right.

In the meantime, Brittany (one of the blondes…) decides that this isnt the show for her, so she packs her bags and leaves. Leaving a gaping hole to fill… more on that later.

So Ben’s second one on one is with Lindzi (the one with the horse). They take a private trolley ride around the city, where Ben shows her ‘the sights’ of a place she could potentially be moving to in the future. Dont you hate the new line they have made maditory for all contestants to say? “I can definitely see myself living here”. It’s almost as bad as ” (blank) is the perfect place to fall in love”. ALmost.

They have dinner, they stop into a piano store to make music… She gets a rose.

Here comes the much discussed ‘twist’. So… here’s how it is explained to us: the funeral directorShawntel  from Brad’s season, saw Ben on the show and fell in love. There is also mention of conversations they have had in the past… now she’s coming to crash the party to see if those feelings were real, and stop him from going any further on his quest for love. 

I dont think this makes her any less deserving of his time than any other girl in the house. They all made a HUGE stink about how he has built new relationships here and that she doesnt even know him. Tell me, how many cumulative words has any of the girls said to him one on one this season? Shawntel seems to allude to a prior history. So, that’s not really the issue.

The issue is, another girl walks in… looking smokin’ hot, and Ben gets flustered when he sees her. I think what followed was an embarassing demonstration of how cruel the female species can be. Shawntel takes a lot of heat, withstands verbal abuse and unfair defamation of her character. If this was planned and orchestrated by the producers (and who are we kidding…) I say shame on them for making this girl look like a jazabel and referred to as ‘Brad’s trash’. Shame.

So now the question is, will Ben keep her around?

At the Rose Ceremony: All the usual suspects make it through. Dramatic pause as Ben holds the final rose, and 3 girls (including Shawntel) remain. One girl faints from the emotional overload. Doesnt matter, she still didnt get a rose. Neither of them did… Erica, Jaclyn and Shawntel go home.

The Bachelor Premiere : Season 16

Gather round Bachelor fans… Ben is back as The Bachelor and the 16th season premiered last night.

Remember when The Bachelor started? It was a hunky, successful perfect mold of a man. There have been many iterations and version of ‘the Bachelor’ image… we’ve seen tall dark and handsom, we’ve seen gorgeous blondes, we’ve had Italian princes, we’ve had pilots and gym rats… and now, we have California floppy, long haired, soft spoken, heart broken Ben.

I dont want to get into a discussion about whether Ben will be a ‘good’ Bachelor… it doest much matter. It’s the format that works, not the prize. But this new ‘bachelor image’ is an odd choice. It seems as though the production crew is fully aware of this peculiar situation… average guy meets 25 ’10’s’ and dictates their future in pageant fashion.

It’s ALL about the girls.

Ben isnt doing alot of heavy lifting… he doesnt have the gravitas nor the personality for it. The girls are carrying every scene, the girls are creating all the drama (surprise surprise) the girls are the focal point of every shot. Ben’s screen time is minimal… beacuse it is inconsequential.

So last night, Ben met his 25 carefully selected (cast) women. The usual suspects show up, models, actors, executive assistants, sales reps, ‘in fashion’, pesonal trainers, dental hygenists… these are people who have the means to take this much time off, dont have an important job to keep them there, or view this as a better opportunity for career movement. (There are 7 model/actress/pageant girls… ’nuff said)

Then there are the crazies… you know who I mean. The Canadian with the last name ‘Bacon’, the game hunter, the ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ love blogger, the southern belles, the perky british world traveler, the girl who brought her grandma, the girl wearing the kentucky derby hat, the girl who walked past Ben without saying a word (insert porn music), and the lesbians.

There was drama as soon as the girls arrived. of course. We didnt wait months post Bachelor Pad for slow ramp up to tears and bickering. No no no… The Bachelor delivers. Not that Ben has anything to do with it.

The love Blogger thinks the lesbians hate her. The girls resent the ‘Grandma’ card and horse gimmick. There is a whole lot of alcohol being poured… tears, hugging, awkward conversations.

The First Impression Rose was given to Lindzi the horseback rider from Seattle. This is an ever-important rose.. this person always seems to be a strong contender for the long haul in this ‘competition’… so watch out for this girl.

The rose ceremony was built up more than most seasons… I guess after 16 seasons, the producers have realized that since we havent formed an opinion on any of the girls, nor do we remember any of their names or backstories – they have to create reasons for us to care about the first cuts.

The one main storyline – the lesbian vs the blogger – proved to be enough to built some suspense for the Rose Ceremony. The blogger showed up late after crying in the bathroom, and both the lesbians made it through to the next round. So did the Blogger…

It’s probably easier to say who DIDNT make the cut… Canadian Bacon, The Brit, one of the actresses, and 3 others. It really doesnt matter… however, each girl probably got just as much air time as Ben in this episode, so that should fill their 15 minutes of fame.

Thoughts? Any early favourites?

Bachelor Pad Week 5: September 5

The Bachelor Pad is surprising me this season.

In it’s sophomore year, it is maturing in intrigue, throwing away the facade of a ‘competition show’, rowing into it’s own unique identity.

I say this because, I am finding it more and more interesting to watch this show ona  regular basis. There is A LOT going on, it’s more involved than a soap opera, and has more interconnected storylines than Inception (one of my favourite movies, kind of sad that I used it to compare to the Bachelor Pad… sorry Chris Nolan)

At any rate, we continue to follow these storylines:

1. Michael can’t contorl his tears every time he sees Holly

2. Holly can’t control her flirting everytime she sees Blake

3. Blake has been working long and hard on his teeth, and they are finally paying him back.

4. Ericka is a sesame street character, or just a street walker. I can’t tell.

5. Kasey and Vienna have absolutely nothing in common and are quickly becoming the least interesting pair in the bunch.

6. Michelle and Graham are kind of perfect for eachother, and dare I say, Michelle is also quickly becoming the MOST sane and ‘together’ girl in the house… when did she stop taking her crazy pills?

So for some quick highlights of last night’s episode…

The couples play ‘The Nearlywed Game’ which is so eloquently described as ‘the newlywed game, but no one is married, so it’s not’. perfect.

Couple have to answer questions about eachother, the only ones who were smart enough to figure out a strategy pre-game, ended up winning. This is the easiest trick in the book. Pick a number, pick a girl, pick a boy that you use iny our answers everytime. It’s not fair, but it works.

Michelle and Graham get the roses.

Ericka and Blake also get a date, but no roses.

If the dullest moment of the entire episode was Graham and Michelle’s movie date (a movie trailer for an upcoming romantic comedy I dont want to see) then the most entertaining moment of the night was the Erick/Blake date.

The best awkward moments happen on this show, it’s golden.

Ericka needs some action. She’s GOT to have some action. It’s like a compulsion. The scary part is, I actaully felt bad for Blake (just in this moment). This woman was basically forcing him to have sex with her – not taking no for an answer. You could see him looking around for producers to intervene… the woman was inches away from performing leud acts on TV. Terrifying. He finally stands up for himself and gets the heck outta there…

They also receive roses to save one other couple upon their return.

Instinctivly they go to the Godfather and his concubine. I mean, Kasey and Vienna. They strike a deal that will ensure them another week on the Pad…although, I don’t know why they would want to risk another date like the one they just had…

However, even with that ensurance, they did NOT escape elimination!

That’s right, Blake the Snake flashed his teeth for the last time, and Ericka could finally get home to civilization – where men want to sleep with her all the time…they even pay her for it.

Bachelorette Monday: May 30th

People ARE watching the Bachelorette.

Based on the results of my poll, and the high ratings… people ARE definitely watching this show.

So let’s all just accept it, and move forward.

Last night, Ashley went on her first date with the Watch Guy (c’mon, you don’t expect me to know their names yet!) – the most terrifying first date for any guy: Wedding shopping. Yep, they went to buy rings, cakes and ended up at the chapel. Weird. Obviously, Ashley isnt ‘planning’ these dates, but is this not the worst idea you’ve ever seen on this show?

It ended on a high note with dinner beside Vegas fountains and smooching. He got the rose.

The group date flew about a dozen guys to Vegas to compete in a jabberwocky-off. Each group performed for Ashley who got to show off her dancing skills (and midriff). The winning group stayed for the night and ‘performed; for an audience, while the losing group went back home.

Ashleys last one-one date was the flip of a coin between JP and Mickey. Mickey had luck on his side, and joined Ashley for dinner in Vegas. They flipped the coin alot…it was the theme of the evening obviously. He got the rose on a very lucky flip of the coin.

At the Rose ceremony – 3 guys we don’t know went home. All seemed bummed, as they should feel. This season’s villain and resident D-Bag Bentley is still around, the guy with the Mask is here for another week, and a handful of other guys not really worth her time.

Ashley has her pick of really decent guys though – and considering how fast she is moving… I have no doubt she will be in a really serious relatinship(or two) in no time.

Bachelorette Announcement

It’s safe to say by now everyone has heard the announcement of the new Bachelorette… right?

The new Bachelorette is Ashley… second runner up this season.

Finishing third ain’t bad in Bachelor-land. The family recycles itself after every season. The drama queens get a role on BAchelor Pad, and the fan favourite (who isnt already hitched) get the role of Bachelorette.

This comes as no surprise, although…I have to say, I’m not sure she was the ‘fa favourite’ of the season. I would say The other Ashley (you know, the ‘i’ve given up on love’ one) or Emily would be the frontrunners. But, for obvious reasons, Emily couldnt take the job, and who knows AShley’s emotional status.

So Ashley the BAchelorette it is.

Bachelor Finale : March 14

Big night for Bachelor fans. The biggest night… Bachelor Finale night.

That’s right…it’s final decision time. No more giving out roses, no more group dates, no more hot tub parties and cocktail soirees.

But I won’t prolong this. Brad chose Emily.

He chose the real grown up relationship over the sexy, fun relationship (and trust fund).

It will be interesting to see if this lasts. I truly hope it does. I was an Emily-fan from day one, and her story broke my heart…she is genuine and classy, and I wonder if she doesnt deserve more. But what do I know? Brad may be just as sincere and ready to man-up as he preaches. Like I said, I seriously hope so… and if not, US magazine is ready to run the story.

Cheers to the happy, ‘very real’, couple.

Next?

Bachelor Monday: February 28

Bachelor Mondays are getting sparse as we get down to the final Rose!

Tonight, Brad flew his 3 women to South Africa ‘to fall in love’… and see hippos.

Before we move further, the Bachelor Drinking Game words of the evening were “I want to be very real here‘. Get ready to bottoms up!

First date: Chantel

They go on a Safari…surprise- surprise in South Africa. They saw Lions and rhinos and giraffes (oh my!) and had a picnic by the hippo habitat. Sorry, I know…it wasn’t a zoo… but it was a controlled space, and the man with the gun wasn’t going to let anything happen. But of course, Chantel put her ‘faith’ in Brad and felt ‘safe’. C’est L’amour!

Chantel also gets the Overnight Invite. This girl was READY for a tumble in the Jungle. I mean seriously. She wanted to skip dinner, and was probably slightly disappointed when Brad showed her their sleeping quarters. A treetop abode…with no bathroom that I could see. really?! No HoJo in all of Jo-Berg? Just sayin.

Second Date: Emily

After a terribly unromantic hometown date… this had better get steamy, really fast for her to compete with Chantel. Brad brings the sexy with an Elephant ride and another picnic.

At dinner, Emily ALMOSt forgos the Overnight invite and takes a ‘moral stand as a mother’… but gives in. NOT because she wants action, but because she wants to ‘talk’ more with Brad. Please woman, I think you’ve sucked every ounce of vocabulary out of this man… there is no talking left. At least SHE got a room with plumbing for their ‘night of intense conversation and banter’.

Third Date: Ashley

This date started off the same way it ALWAYS starts off with Ashley… giggles, over the top flirtation and pretending to be afraid of something. All good fun…until. HEaven forbid, Brad asked a question about the future, and Ashley could not string together a satisfactory answer. In this case, I saved you from drunken peril by NOT making the drinking words either:  ‘like’ ‘uhhhh’ or ‘y’anno’ .

It carried into dinner, where Brad resorted to talking about the bugs, commenting on the food and sinking into self deprecation. Not that it dissuaded him from giving her ‘the card’. Such a guy. Make up sex will make it all better. Sigh. She of course perks up out of her hissy mood , but it doesn’t last long they retire in awkward silence.

So the Rose ceremony was precluded by intimate videos from the girls to Brad. Chantel said she loves him, Emily says she’s falling for him, and Ashley says … I’m sick of this.

At the Rose Ceremony, Brad takes Ashley aside and breaks up with her. The whole thing was so childish, Ashley could not answer straight questions about where she saw her future…and Brad didnt want to ruin a chance to get some in Africa. So he let her go, to pursue other goals…like becoming the next Bachelorette or joining the cast of DWTS.

Betty and Veronica remain. Chantel vs Emily.

Women Tell All next week, and the week after is the big finale where BRad has promised….he WILL choose a wife.

Bachelor Monday: February 14

The producers of The Bachelor mustve licked their lips in pure satification and pure good-fortune at the thought of The Bachelor landing on February 14th…Valentines Day.

it’s almost too perfect…

If you were alone tonight, was there really anything more appropriate to be doing than watching The Bachelor with a box of chocolates and a bubbly beverage?

On that note… the Bachelor Drinking game phrase tonight was: ‘Can I be honest with you?’ – if you were playing that game, your feelings of loneliness would’ve been masked by a tipsy comatose by 9 o’clock.

First 1-1 date was with…surprise surprise…Emily. Do ya think he likes this girl? He takes her to a deserted sand dune in the middle of the aqua ocean with nothing but a picnic and fire to keep them occupied. My first thought was… where’s the port-o-potty…but that’s just unromantic, practical, tiny bladdered me. He promises to give her a rose…but doesnt actually HAVE one to give. He also pushes her to her maternal edge by asking to meet her daughter because next week is…meet the family. She did a great job of politiking her way out of that question…

The second 1-1 date was doomed to fail. How do you follow a day on an island paradise with Emily? Britt may be just as blonde…but she has barely an ounce of personality, and barely an ounce of sexual prowess. And she breaks the number one rule of The Bachelor. Never say ‘I have a hard time showing my emotions’… its your ticket out of Bachelor town. And it was the poison that sent her home this week… Brad gave her the humiliating break up speech and sent her packing.

the last 1-1 date was a cultural day of interaction with Shawntel… the funeral director. I kinda like this girl… she has a real-life job, and a real-life personality, it’s refreshing. Brad seems to think so too… anything would be better than the awkward cliff jumping with Britt.

The Group date was a bust. First of all… what kind of a date is it being dragged out of your bed pre-dawn to perform for a photoshoot? A bad one. A terrible date idea. The girls rolled around in the sand, didnt hesitate to go topless and seethed at the amount of sexual energy there was between Brad and Michelle. Michelle admits that she’s ‘done a little modelling and acting’…yep, she’s got a curiously blocked IMDB page… but that’ll all come out in US next week.

So Brad has to reassure each girl that he still has feelings for her… and each takes their turn doing the ugly ‘send me home’ cry. It’s pathetic and totally unattractive…but seems to be necessary.

At the Rose ceremony – Brad for-go’s the cocktail party because he’s made up his mind. I love a man that takes control. sigh. Brad keeps his promise with Emily, gives a rose to Shawntel, Ashley is safe… and he chooses Chantel over Michelle.

If you thought Michelle was going to have a freak out of epic proportions… she opted for the cut-eye, silent treatment that means… she is plotting to steal Brad’s first born, or howl outside his window until a restraining order is issued. You know she’s that kind of girl.

I can’t wait to see the hometown dates… always my favourite episode! But now that crazy Michelle is gone…will there be enough drama to keep the show afloat?

Bachelor Monday: February 7th

The chips are starting to fall into place on The Bachelor… There were 8 girls left at the beginning of the episode, now only 6 girls remain!

Oh, the Bachelor Drinking Game words of the night are: Scary and Comfortable.

The night went as follows…

Fly to Costa Rica.

Brad shows the girls around, and they stay in the same ‘compound’…which would come in handy later.

The first 1-1 date was Zip lining in the rain with Chantel O. The brave, fearless girl he once knew was BACK because she didnt back down from a little rain. Wow. Whatta keeper she is. Their dinner gets rained out as well, and they end up in the only dry location… Brad’s boudoir. And since Chantel is all wet… she borrows an oversized shirt to wear for the evening… she couldn’t find pants unfortunately. How uncomfortable. Not to mention embarassing. Right? She also drops the bomb that she is falling in LOVE with Brad. This is their 2nd or 3rd date no? That happened to me when I was 9 years old and fell HARD for the freckle-faced classmate in the school yard.

On the group date – Brad took the women repelling into a waterfall. It’s amazing how many people have issues with ‘heights’…seems awfully convenient. Also, Crazy Michelle throws a fit because Brad SWORE he wouldnt repel with anyone else but her after their 1-1 date in Vegas. This may be the only time I say this, but I actually sided WITH Michelle on this one. Yes, as ridiculous as it sounds, He DID make that promise…and I’m sure there were PLENTY of other date options in Costa Rica.

At any rate, the girls were all mad at Brad for one reason or another, and no one got a rose.

The last 1-1 date finally felt like a real-life date. Awkward small talk and copious lulls in conversation. That’s the way ALL first dates go no? Well, apparently since he’s gotten further with the other girls, Ally got the boot…after she expressed how comfortable she was with Brad. OUch.

That night…Brad gets an unexpected visitor in his boudoir. Crazy Michelle. This couldve been the trailer for The Roommate or Paranormal Activity, it was that scary. The dark figure arrives at the door with a whispered ‘Hola’. shivers. She then proceeds to tell Brad who he should pick in the order she deems appropriate. He reiterates how ‘scary’ this is for him.

At the Rose ceremony, Chantel becomes the first girl to tell Brad she LOVES him.

He gets rid of the artist.

Next, he and the girls head to Anguilla, because they’ve had enough of Costa Rica and are in need of some serious sunshine and excitement.